It is nice to be home. It has already been a productive day. I fixed the furnace, again (don’t get me started - same part went out as last time - part supplier was perplexed, but gave me a replacement without a hassle). I’ve run a couple errands, and updated some items on my computer. Now, I’m trying to process and decompress from the whirlwind that was family-time last week.
On the surface, everything seemed about the same. But, I know I felt different, or at least more aware of certain things. Mr. PFL and I haven’t declared our “status” to our families, although I did send a link to the very first post to my younger brother. I think it is safe to say that neither set of our parents has a net worth over $250,000. And, based on the drama that surrounds any job loss, I think it is safe to say that none of our other family members likely have a net worth in our general vicinity. Many of our family members are set up with long careers at the same companies, so I assume that they will be okay in retirement, but there isn’t anyone I can think of that is even remotely close to quitting full-time employment. But, I don’t really know, since “net worth” isn’t Christmas dinner conversation appropriate.
With all of that in mind, I know people were amazed that we are now planning a trip to the Sugar Bowl to watch The Ohio State University beat Alabama on New Year’s Day and then leaving for Hawaii a week later. I could almost see the math turning in their heads. I do see that this isn’t something an average American could pull off. I’m hoping that the total cost of the Sugar Bowl experience, including all travel, lodging, food, game tickets, and beer, will stay under $2,000 total, and hopefully closer to $1,600. Hawaii, including everything, should stay in the $5,000 neighborhood. But yes, we will be spending about $7,000 on travel before January 20th. That just isn’t something most people, including most of our family members, could ever pull off. So, I felt like I could feel them wondering how we could make this happen. Then I started wondering what they think/say when I’m not around - but, I’m not going to get sucked down that rabbit hole.
When my dad was giving me a ride to the airport yesterday, he made an offhand comment that I probably wouldn’t have even noticed last year. He was trying to tune into the Catholic radio station, but it was all static, so he was telling me about the two radio hosts that he likes to listen to on that station. He summarized a recent message from one of the hosts as something like: “You shouldn’t hate millionaires because they aren’t all bad/greedy/flashy/taking advantage of the little guy.” The way he said it seemed like 1) this was a revelation; 2) a millionaire is something he knew he would never be; and 3) he assumed we had both 1 and 2 in common. I know my mouth starting forming the words: “Dad, we are millionaires!” My brain stepped in before I got it out and I contemplated some of the possible outcomes of this declaration. I know I almost said it twice. I finally gave some noncommittal response and he moved on to another topic. I’ve been stewing on this for more than 24-hours, though.
What, exactly, have I been stewing about? I don’t actually know. I guess it all boils down to our relationship with money and our expectations. On the one hand, no one will ever be able to say that Mr. PFL and I didn’t “earn it.” Clearly, I’m still paying off a hefty student loan bill; Mr. PFL paid for the strong majority of his college as well, including five figures in student loans. Neither one of us has received an inheritance, loans from our parents, nor had someone else pay our cell phone bills. I can think of about $10,000 that I have received as cash in my whole life, including high school graduation presents, $625 from my aunt in Denver that she’d saved up for about 20 years, $5,000+ for our wedding/honeymoon, and about $4,000 that I received right before college that I “earned” because I turned 18 in November of my senior year and the Social Security death benefit that my dad had been receiving (since my biological mother died when I was 5) switched to my name until my graduation in June (then it stopped). While this is much more than many, many, many people ever receive, there is no way this can explain our success, and for that I am grateful, I think, because Americans appreciate a self-made man more than one that didn’t “earn it,” as do I, I think. Although, I really don’t begrudge anyone their success, or their family’s success. And maybe that is the “eureka” moment I’ve been waiting for! In a nutshell, because I recognize that my relationship with money/success/jealousy is different than the average American’s, and more like Will Smith’s (real or fake) response to Occupy Wall Street, I don’t want to accidentally ostracize myself from my family because of my values. This is what I’ve been most worried about, but didn’t realize it. I don’t feel that different, but I know they will see me differently, and maybe not so kindly, based on their own values and stereotypes about money. Things would change.
I’m relieved I kept my mouth shut…
Interesting post. I can relate on many levels, and it’s always interesting to go home for the holidays and realize how far you’ve come. My husband and I make (and save) over twice what any of our siblings and their spouses make - not to mention more than our parents ever made. I doubt many would guess we are millionaires, but at the same time they know what we do and where we live, so I do wonder what they assume about us. Of course we all started out with the same resources and parents, so it’s not like they could justify begrudging our success! But you never know. I struggle with how open and honest to be with people. Sometimes it is enlightening or motivating to realize there are “normal” people out there who have built wealth. But it could also incite resentment or jealousy. (Sorry if this is a duplicate post; not sure my last comment was registered).
Thank you for putting it so eloquently!